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Exercise your mind -

"You only live once - and if you play it right - once is enough"
- unknown -

Last weeks -

"Criticism is prejudice made plausible."
- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)

Questions Philosophers have been asking, ever since they realized being a Philosopher did not involve any heavy lifting -

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? 

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? 

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?

Why is it that people who invest all your money are called brokers?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff?

Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Advise -

Lotto is a tax for people who are not good at mathematics.

If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.

It's all right to drink like a fish -- if you drink what a fish drinks.

Be happy. It is a way of being wise.

You can't change the past but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about future.

BEAUTY is in the eye of the beer holder.

Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you're interrupting.

Useful information -

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

Polar bears are left handed.

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death.

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off.  ("Honey, I'm home. What the....")

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

Starfish don't have brains.

Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack them in the head. - You may need to use several more muscles during your escape.

 


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